Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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