Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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