I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
