Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
