seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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