tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
