I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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