I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
