She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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