now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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