why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
