you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
