my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
