We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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