shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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