dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Randomize
