i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
