My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
