I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
