Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
