i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
zippers are such a cool invention
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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