between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
