I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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