I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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