i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
