why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
