i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm bleeding and have questions
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
