he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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