Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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