You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
