Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
