After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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