Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
