Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
