I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
