It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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