Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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