He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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