i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
