awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize