SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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