God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
