goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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