Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
