Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
