My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
