The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
