why didn't you poke me back
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
