Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
