WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
vagina is talking i cant
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
