...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
